Dark Thoughts
by LilNinjaWolf
Summary: A little peak into Leo's head when he locks himself in his room in The Classic Deception fic.


Here is a look in to Leo's thoughts in The Classic Deception when he was locked in his room right before he tried to off himself. If you haven't read The Classic Deception, I suggest to read it first, or if you want to be different, read this to interest you in the original fic. So enjoy and please leave a review. ; )

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"What have I done?"

"What have I done?" Leo repeated in the safety of his room.

A full day alone in his room was now beginning to drive him mad. He was numb at first, but that was now worn off.

"What have I done?" Leo repeated for the third time.

"Who have I become?"

"How could I have attacked my own family?"

Leo shook his head.

"I didn't remember."

"That still doesn't justify it."

Leo paced some more, arguing with himself. He wanted to be free from these emotions, yet he couldn't. He couldn't redeem himself from what he had done. There was only one way to end it. And he found out he was scared to do it.

More like terrified.

His hands shook at the thought.

He couldn't carry this out.

Leo gulped. He had to.

But maybe not today. Soon he would work up the courage.

Very soon.

Footsteps came to the door of his room.

Leo froze and listened. "Don't knock. Please don't knock," he begged in a faint whisper.

The footsteps shuffled away after a few minutes.

Leo let out a breath and slipped over to the far corner of his room. He leaned back against the wall and slid down to the floor. He wrapped his arms around his legs as he brought them to his chest and laid his forehead on his knees. "What's wrong with me?"

"Everything..."

Leo's eyes slid shut. "I cause them to worry. I go missing for a year. I argue with Raph. I don't even remember why we were fighting..." His eyes squeezed tighter, his grip around his legs tightening. "And then I turn on them. I attack them. Poison them. Leave them for dead at the hands of the Foot. Saving my own pathetic life."

He wanted to scream. Oh, how he ever wanted to scream. But that would bring the others in here. That would cause them to concern themselves with him.

He couldn't do that. Couldn't talk to them. Not now. Not ever.

Tears leaked down his face. He just couldn't do it. He had formed a basic plan in the lab while he was still lying in there. Find his katana and push it straight through his heart. And he did find his katana. Right on the stand in his room where he always kept them when they weren't in his sheaths. He had no idea how they got there. They just did.

Leo bit his lip and looked up at his beloved blades.

With great difficulty, not from any injury, but from heavy emotion, he stood and crossed his room to the stand. One hand touched the hilt of the first sword, slowly lifted it off the stand. He held it in front of him, stared at his reflection. Seeing the tears running down his face just made him cry all the more.

Leo slowly put the tip of the katana blade at his chest. Right through the heart. Fastest way.

He stood there, frozen like that for what felt like hours before lowering the blade and putting it back on the stand.

"I can't do it..." he whispered sadly.

Leo retreated back to the corner and slid back down into the ball he had been in before, more tears streaming down, until he had cried himself to sleep.

Still, even in his dreams, he had no relief. He saw himself, dressed in a black trench coat, attacking his brothers. But this time there was no poison. Only two long, sharp blades. He saw it go through first Mikey, then Don. Raph soon followed, his katana going straight through his brother's chest. Splinter was last, injured beyond recognition. All of them were beyond hope. All of them dead. And there was only one sound he could hear after all this. Laughter. But not just any laughter. His own. His own cold laughter and the feeling that he actually enjoyed killing off his family...

Leo woke up nearly screaming, but clapped a hand over his mouth just before it came out. He bit his lip as soon as he pulled his hand away, shaking from the dream. No, not the dream. The nightmare.

The nightmare repeated itself as soon as he fell asleep hours later, and again after that during the night. He almost screamed every time. But he never did. His family never heard him. He still heard the footsteps come to his door every once and awhile. But no one ever knocked. No one ever tried to talk to him. Except for Mikey. He would try to get Leo to come out just to get a brotherly hug. Leo wanted to hug Mikey so badly. But he couldn't. Mikey couldn't handle what was on his mind. He couldn't talk to him. He couldn't talk to Don. His brainy brother would just analyze him like a machine that didn't work. Raph wouldn't even talk to him. He was afraid of his older brother, thought Leo was going to kill him. Leo swallowed. He couldn't even talk to his father and sensei. The words that would poor out would only disappoint his father.

The second night Leo had finally had the final straw. No nightmares. No more horrid thoughts. No more wishing it was over.

Now was the time to get this over with.

Now was the time to end everything.

And the only thing he had to do was to get out of the lair unnoticed.

His gaze drifted to the clock which read 5:15am. That wouldn't be too hard to do. Everyone would still be in bed right now.

Leo stood and yanked his katana off the stand, slipping them into the sheathes on his back. He strode to the door and yanked it open. Looking out, there was no one there. With a sigh, he slipped down to the lair door, opened it, and slipped out into the sewers. "Goodbye my brothers. Goodbye sensei. I'm sorry..." he whispered as the lair door closed, sealing him off from his family. He swallowed thickly and started his trek deep into the sewers. He had to be as far from the lair as possible. "Goodbye," he whispered again, his heart weighed down with grief.


End file.
